I was a feral child, once.

wild.

[ and we'll fall
forever bound
together we'll drown.

and when we surface
our hands clasped tight
on the only lasting light. ]

Honestly, there's so much I should never say out loud.
Yesterday I woke up. This light changes everything about this city-

this shadow, this breeze, the way the clouds are acting..

I was thinking,

that you'll look cute when it snows;

[ It'll gather on your eyelashes. ]

...and only some people call me Lukah.

and I'm not good to everyone.

when i said stop it -
i meant stop getting your hopes up.

don't read this

cause if I kissed you harder I might like you harder.

show me every black and white photograph you've ever taken

You did it again
You reached out again
[hand against chin]
[some hidden intention]
and for a fleeting moment
[we both knew]

.

JONAH
[ casanova-bleu ]
august

I won't follow you into the dark;
I'll follow your light instead.

I took this. everyone's going to love it... but I'm glad I was the one who got to take it.

Look at you...

'When I first saw you I knew that you had a flame in your heart.'

Dear ring leader

look at me now - I'm rolling with cool kids, the striking ones, the ones people stare at, who love hard, the ones who act wild, who've got each other's backs - and you're kind of a loser, now.

But don't worry - I won't make fun of you or chase you home from school or push you in the mud and laugh or tell everyone that you secretly like girls or tell you that no one will ever like you.

I've actually always been a nice person.
.

lets lie on our backs and get wasted off wine under blacklights on the floor. We could be so rad...
.

Caitlin: 'Im SUCH a lesbian its unbelievable sometimes.'

.

I love when he sends me packages in the mail. I wear his old t-shirts from when he was a girl. I still think she's so beautiful. Maybe I'll just move to BC so she can read me her poems all day long.

.

[this is the end of that poem I'll never show you]

You're beautiful. I'm reckless.
.

when I'm around you,



















I wish I were spectacular.

I'm pretty sure you're a compulsive liar.
This girl warned me about you, but I ignored her because I didn't like the way she yelled into my face whenever she told me things.

Your stories never match. It's so blatantly obvious.


I don't really wish you were any different.

.

I talk in circles just to inspire people to think. It's like an unintentioned social experiment. Just to see who's even worth my time...

Most people aren't.


[ but you are overwhelmingly alive ]

.

The way I look surprises you every time you see me.

I was shivering all day long. I'm pretty sure I wasn't cold. I had goosebumps; but no - I'm pretty sure I wasn't cold. I kept twitching.

The sky is perfect (I don't actually think this exists. Sometimes, for some things, I just can't think of any comparable word; maybe twice in my entire life... like that time I saw the colours in your eyes). I feel like i'm floating because I can't see anything else; just space and little white flickering specks filling that space, and me. And the little flickering specks keep shooting, leaving white trails behind them...

I stopped twitching. I stopped thinking and I think thats what stopped me twitching. Space is black and stars are white and there aren't any colours and I don't have to think about you when I look at them.

Then the sprinkler came on and I looked without meaning too and little bits of blue mist and light and water filled everything again. I started to shiver but I think this time It's because I was cold.
It doesn't really matter, I guess.

It takes a lot of concentration to make everything disappear.

.

I stopped breathing,
this morning,
when I remembered you exist.

.

MAY 09, 2009

Is it so wrong?
I think she's beautiful when she cries
liquid seeping through her eyes, from glass to sea to starfish.

and it scares me,
to feel nothing;

but I'm so uncontrollably distracted
by her face
in the unforgiving bathroom light.




.

the last time I stopped breathing was when you reached towards me. (even though I'm pretty sure it meant nothing).

(and I'm pretty sure you knew I stopped breathing.)

.

I hate him.
At some point his eyes were bright and clear and blue, but I don't remember how that felt. All I remember is the way they stared at me; glared at me. I was sobbing. He'd broken me.

I was crumpled in pieces on the floor.

He picked up the phone and called someone. He rubbed it in.

He kicked me when I was down.

.

I never thought you were lying.

I would give up controlling the weather, if it meant I could control time. (and you're the only one who knows I control the weather...)

.